November 3, 2003
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Biblical Femininity
A 19 year old guy in my Portland small group spoke to me
one night and asked "Dave .... .... I know you understand women .... (
long pause) .... Can you explain them to me?" You have to understand
that he gazed intently into my eyes, fully expectant that I would
deliver to him a series of eloquent answers that clarified this great
mystery and freed him from this bondage of confusion. I almost wanted
to burst into laughter, but the seriousness of his question forced me
to refrain. The truth is that women are still quite a mystery to
me. A friend who has been married for about half a century
expressed similar sentiments. "Often I wake up and feel like I totally
don't understand my wife. I wonder who is this woman sleeping beside
me." Despite this confusion, a husband should commit to
learning about his wife ... continually learning to understand her
better. "It is worth it!!" Ladies, remember that this friend
committed himself to understanding one woman and that was confusing
enough.... the deep cry of a little girl's heart is am I lovely? Every woman needs to know that she is exquisite and exotic and chosen. This is core to her identity, the way she bears the image of God. Will you pursue me? Do you delight in me? Will you fight for me?
This is from John Eldredge's, Wild at Heart. Is this indeed the question that every little girl asks?
...
My friend Jan says that a woman who is living out her true design will
be "valiant, vulnerable, and scandalous." That's a far cry from the
"church ladies" we hold up as models of Christian femininity, those
busy and tired and rigid women who have reduced their hearts to a few
mild desires and pretend everything is going just great. Compare their
femininity with that of the women named in the genealogy of Jesus. In a
list that is nearly all men, Matthew mentions four women: Tamar, Rahab,
Ruth, and "Uriah's wife" (1:3, 5-6).Tamar -- she disguised herself as a prostitute to trick her father-in-law to have sex with her (see Genesis 38).
Rahab -- She is in the "hall of faith" in Hebrews 11 for commiting
treason. She hid the spies who were coming in to scope out Jericho
before battle. (see Joshua 2: 8-11; 6:22-25).
And Eldredge spends over 2 pages specifically on Ruth. These words
caught my eye because I've never heard anyone use the words "valiant, vulnerable, and scandalous" to describe a Godly woman before. Where in Proverbs 31 are those words used?
Comments (15)
Hi Dave!
Wow, good post, Dave. I think what John Eldredge is true.
It IS true. That's why I wrote this statement on my xanga.
http://www.xanga.com/item.aspx?user=searchingfortreasures&tab=weblogs&uid=39458294
I think also that the more a man acts like a man, the more a woman is able to act (and respond) as a woman.
That story about the kid asking you about women is quite amusing. It is said that a group of male scientists got together one day to determine whether computers should be referred to in the third person as masculine or feminine (you know, much like cars are often referred to in 3rd person feminine: "she's runs like a charm," etc.). They decided that it should be feminine for the following three reasons: (1) your smallest mistake is committed to permanent memory, (2) as soon as you commit to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck buying accessories for it, and (3) only its creator can understand its internal logic.
j/k.
On a more serious note, I agree with searchingfortreasures last thought there 100%! And in order for people to act appropriately, it is needful that their parents teach them. Raise your boys to be gentlemen--men of valor, honor, integrity, and possessing of decent manners--and your girls to be ladies! Let's restore some civility to society.
In my experience and observation, it is harder for a woman to act (and respond) as a woman than it is for a man to act (and respond) as a man.
I heard an interesting statement last week: A woman marries a man in hope that he will change, but a man marries a woman in hope that she will never change.
"Valient, vulnerable and scandalous" make me feel uncomfortable...
hmmm guys are a mystery to us women too y'know?
ansy's right, guys are defi a mystery, why do you do all those weird things?
i know guys who i constantly wonder...why?what for?
Women are confused as to why MEN don't understand WOMEN! Why doesn't he get it....? Is he ignoring me...? Is he faking it....?
My thoughts on godly women being "valient, vulnerable, and scandelous": 1) A godly woman is a valient creature b/c at her core she is designed to be the nurturer, the caretaker. The heart of a godly woman motivates her to serve and help others. Biologically, God gives a woman the ability to feed her children with her body. 2) Vulnerable - godly women are vulnerable not due to emotional weakness but due to their innate sensitivity to others and ability to feel deep emotions. This enables the woman to be compassionate, kind, gentle, and caring. She reflects these aspects of Christ. 3) Scandelous - women were designed to be sensual creatures. How else would the human race continue?
thanks for taking the time to actually read what I write and send comments and emails to me .. I really do appreciate your feedback. it encourages me greatly.
I don't really claim much expertise ... except that these things did strike me when I read them. I'm not saying that Tamar's actions should be emulated, or that Rahab's past is a model of female virtue .. but it is interesting that they are recognized (and even honored to some extent) because of their faith lived out boldly. I believe that Eldredge shares those strong words to shock us a bit and loosen the chains of implied behavioral norms that have made it dificult for evangelical women to be alive and to breathe ... and I would even dare to say "live as God had intended". The days we live in have created confusion for both man and woman -inside the church and outside the church.
For my uk buddies, I'm speaking from a guy's perspective and not minimizing the confusion on "the other side".
A trusted friend of mine suggested reading this article called "wild at heart: a critique". I don't agree with everything written in this article, but it does serve as a reminder to me to turn my eyes back to God's word. I read this book looking for what I could learn from this man (and I believe that there is much here that I can learn). I can also see how some can read this book w/o a discerning eye and come to the wrong conclusions about how we should live.
well said.
Yes, every woman asks questions related to the core of her identity, or as Eldrige says, whether she is lovely. As she learns that she bears the image of God, she asks more questions related to the person she longs for. She wonders whether she will ever meet a man who knows and is comfortable with who he is, and who is strong enough for her.
Often she is challenged to wait. As she waits, she wonders, where have strong Christian men gone? Statistically, there are probably more Christian women than men, as indicated by a world mission's survey that the ratio of men to women missionaries working in the far eat is 1 to 5. Having said all that, the challenge I believe is for men to know and be comfortable with who they are. Because only then will a man be strong enough for someone else. -ect
Interesting post! Though, I don't think I agree with "scandalous" as being part of true design, depends on what you mean by it I guess.
As for as guys not understanding gals, that's okay. I don't think I understand myself half the time
I like this passage from proverbs 20:5. "the purposes of a man's heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out." Despite my confusion and blunderings, I'm encouraged to seek understanding ... to not give up and toss my hands in the air when it comes to understanding myself (so that I might be true) and understanding others (so that I might love).
I ask myself this a lot. Great post.
"... the deep cry of a little girl's heart is am I lovely? Every woman needs to know that she is exquisite and exotic and chosen. This is core to her identity, the way she bears the image of God. Will you pursue me? Do you delight in me? Will you fight for me?
I
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